Been sleepin on the couch since Saturday. Ballnchain is really T.O'ed this time. Honestly, the silent treatment has been a nice break - at least it's better than the tirade she was on for about 3 hours after the "incident." How'd I know the chic was going to stick her nose in my way at the last second? My best friend Rocky (what was his dad thinking? He couldn't punch out his little sister) had a work team for a weekend softball tournament. They needed a big bat so after he begged/pleaded/bribed me I gave in. Co-ed is so weak. I gave it up after I realized most of the "co-eds" were not all about winning (the ban issued by the USSSA and the court injunction had something to do with that as well). Anyway, this was non-league "just for fun" so I wasn't inelligible.
So Rocky's boss invites his sister-in-law, Chiffon. Seriously? Nice job whoever your parents are. Bottom of the the 7th, bases loaded, 2 outs, we're up 1. Ya I'm playing left center and she's playing right. Ya it's a lot of ground to cover. Ya you're supposed to call the ball - I didn't think she meant it. Ya I heard Rocky and his boss (and tons of others) tell me to leave it. But, we needed it. C'mon. What's an athlete supposed to do? I'm calling her off and she's not backing down. I'm close and I'm like "I've got it I've got it I've got it" and she's like "I've got it." I'm totally yelling louder than her and every athlete knows he who's most committed gets the ball and as I dive she's diving too (more like tripping) and my left shoulder barely skims her nose and the next thing I know she's hysterical and blood is all over my lucky shirt and basically the whole crowd is sprinting out and yelling obscenities at me. Hey, A-Rod never let a few unsavory words stop him.
So Chiffon's getting all the attention I'm getting an ear full. Here's the problem. I've got the ball! In my mitt! I caught it! But that's lost on everyone, who's going biserk and calling 911, and screaming for ice and towels and all that. I knew she was milking it. I barely grazed her - must be a real bleeder. Anyway, one day they'll look back and realize what hall-of-fame-catch it was. Her nose will be fine (okay, so Rocky tells me she needs surgery to get it straight again but those plastic surgeons these days can do anything). A nose is a nose, you see dozens, maybe hundreds a day. You don't see a catch like mine everyday. I knew I should've brought the HD camera and tri-pod.
Rocky will probably keep his job. His boss's sister-in-law will probably stay in the bleachers from now on. My wife will probably forgive me. Our "therapist" will probably milk this for another 6 months of over-priced "treatment." Probably nobody will appreciate my spectacular catch. I'll probably stick with men's-only league (probably have no choice).
No comments:
Post a Comment